Breathe No More
by Gabs
Summary: post-The Telling; Sydney tries to pick up the pieces. {Syd-Sark} epilogue added; COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Breathe No More**

By Gabs

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, the Evanescence lyrics right at the beginning aren't mine, not making any money, etc etc.

_Lie to me,  
Convince me that I've been sick forever.  
And all of this,  
Will make sense when I get better._

~**Evanescence**, Breathe No More

_This is for the SD-1 September challenge. The requirements are a school scene, a Shakespeare quote, the word canicular, a Ferris Bueller quote, and a pencil.  
  
_

Chapter 1

          Exhausted and still bewildered, Sydney timidly pushed the door open to discover a stricken Will waiting on the other side. He jumped to his feet and, as she entered, pain covered his face, followed by relief

          "Oh my god… it's true," he managed to choke out before she crashed into him. He immediately wrapped his strong arms around her, holding onto her as though he never wanted to let go.

          "Will…" she sobbed quietly. He held her tightly as the tears ran their course.

          "It'll be ok," he promised gently. When he felt her shaking her head fiercely, he relinquished his hold and let her pull away from him enough to look him in the eye.

          "Nothing is ok, Will… nothing will ever be ok again." She could see the confusion in his eyes.

          "Things may be all wrong right now, Syd, but they have to get better. Once you've hit rock bottom, you can't go any further down." She gave a hollow half-laugh to that.

          "If anyone can find a way, it'll be me."

          "Why? What makes you so sure things won't get better?"

          "They may get better… but they can never be right again."

          "Yes they can, Syd! You just-"

          "Just what? Have to believe, have faith? How the hell am I supposed to do that? I lost two years of my life, Will! I don't know where I went, what I did, who I was with… I thought I'd lost you. And because of me, we lost Francie. I am a _curse, Will. I shouldn't be here… I'll only destroy you too." She pulled further away from him and began pacing. After a few moments, he managed to catch her arm and put her motion to a stop._

          "You will NOT destroy me, Sydney. I lost everything that night… you and Francie both. I've already been destroyed. Please, Syd, don't disappear on me again… I couldn't survive that." Hearing the pain in his voice, she nodded slowly.

          "OK Will… I'm not going anywhere." He smiled at her gratefully as they came together for another hug.

          A short time later, Sydney and Will were walking through the home she'd shared with Francie, discussing her return.

          "So you've been back for two weeks now?"

          "Yeah… I woke up in Hong Kong and called the CIA. Vaughn came to get me, and…" she trailed off, and he looked at her sympathetically. She turned to him, looking about to ask a question, but then stopped herself.

          "Syd? Whatever it is, you can say it."

          "Yeah, I know, but it's… ok. Have you… uh… have you met her?" she asked hesitantly.

          "Met who?" There was a pause, and realization dawned in Will's eyes. "Oh... you mean Vaughn's… no. No, I haven't." She nodded, remaining silent as they approached to door to what was once her room. Sydney made no move to open the door, not sure of what she might find.

          "Go on," Will urged gently. She gave him a smile, then reached for the door. As they entered, Sydney was surprised to see it looked almost exactly how it had two years ago. Anything that had been damaged in the battle with Allison was now repaired or replaced. She spun to face Will, who smiled softly.

          "You did all this?" He gave a light nod, and Sydney felt tears threatening.

          "Thank you." Will smiled again.

          "You're welcome. I never gave up on you, Syd… I moved in sometime after you disappeared, and have been trying to keep things perfect ever since. Now that you're back… well, I can leave if you'd prefer, or-" she cut him off briskly.

          "No. No way, Will. I would never dream of asking you to leave… especially after all you've done for me."

          "Ok… I really didn't want to go apartment hunting anyway." They both laughed lightly, and Sydney began looking around again.

          "It's getting late," Will observed, glancing at his watch. "I'll leave you alone now, just give me a yell if you need anything… or whatever. We can catch up more tomorrow." Sydney gave him a grateful smile.

          "Sounds like a plan."

          "Ok, great… night Syd."  

          "Good night." She watched his back until he pulled the door shut behind him, and then walked around her room for a few moments before deciding that the first order of business was a shower. Ten minutes later, she walked back into her room and searched for something to wear to bed. Sydney had just pulled on a loose pair of pants and an old shirt when she heard a noise. She whirled to find a dark figure standing in the doorway.

          "Will?" she asked falteringly. Staring into the darkness, she eventually realized who it was.

          "What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded anxiously. Sark said nothing, continuing to shadow the doorway for a moment. Finally, he took a few steps toward her. Sydney, entranced in curiosity, didn't move. Sark seemed to take that as a sign, as he quickly closed the remaining distance and gently, even lovingly, lowered his lips to hers. Sydney found herself falling into it, but soon regained her senses and pushed him away. He stared at her closely, and she saw pain and uncertainty haunting his clear blue eyes.

          "You really don't remember," he breathed, taking a few steps back. Sydney grasped his hand quickly.

          "Remember what?" she asked softly. His eyes drifted to the window, where the light of the moon was shining bright.

          "You'll know," he whispered. He gave her hand a quick squeeze before slipping his hand out of hers and fading out through the door. Sydney leaned against the wall, bringing her hands up to cover her face.

          The incident, everything about it, just had to be wrong. She knew it.

          So why did it feel so right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Em:** No worries, Resurgam isn't abandoned, I just haven't had time to work on that lately. In the midst of 3 different fic challenges right now, so hopefully when those are done, I can resume updates on other stuff…

Chapter 2  
  
  


_Don't try to fix me…  
I'm not broken, hello.  
**~Evanescence**, Hello___

_Sydney was running down the dark hallway, trying to elude her pursuer. The harder she ran, the faster he seemed to get… and there was no escape in sight. She was preparing herself to turn around, face whomever was after her, when something caught her eye. A dark savior, clad in black, had appeared to light her way. He took her hand and steered her down a hall she hadn't previously noticed, soon leading her to freedom._

_        "Thank you," Sydney said hesitantly. As he turned to face her, Sydney gasped._

_        "You'll know," Sark said, repeating the words he'd said to her last night._

_        "Know what?" she pleaded. He gave her a sad smile._

_        "Seven months." He placed her hand over his heart, holding it there for a moment, before closing his eyes and disappearing into the mist. She still heard the man chasing her, but knew he was no longer a threat to her well-being._

_        Sark had saved her._

        Sydney sat straight up in bed, looking around wildly before realizing- it was only a dream. She sighed to herself, and glanced to the clock to find it was 4:07. She rubbed her eyes, but decided to try for a few more hours of sleep. She settled back down, trying to coax herself into sleep, but with her mind racing through the possibilities. Nothing was clear anymore… but had it ever truly been to begin with? She fell asleep, her mind locked on dream-Sark's pained smile.

Early the next morning, Sydney walked into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. She'd just sat down and started drinking when the door opened and Will walked in, shirt in hand. He paused as he caught sight of her.

        "Morning."

        "Hey. I take it you went for a run?" he nodded. "Should've gotten me up; I would've gone with you."

        "Thought you might need your rest. Tomorrow, ok?" he suggested with a smile.

        "Ok." Looking concerned, Will moved over and sat across from her.

        "Syd… are you all right?" She sighed.

        "Uh… no. Not really."

        "Do you want to talk?"

        "It's just… something happened last night, and I can't understand it."

        "Something happened? Like… a bad dream, or…" Sydney shaking her head caused him to stop.

        "No… nothing that simple." With another sigh, she proceeded to tell him about Sark's visit, but left out all details of her dream. When she'd finished, Will was left staring down at the table, idly twiddling his thumbs. After an enduring silence, Sydney spoke again.

        "I'm sorry Will, I shouldn't have told you. I-"

        "No, no, I asked you to tell me. What now?"

        "I'm not sure. He must know _something_ about what happened while I was… gone. I've got to find some way to get him to tell me." Will looked at her nervously.

        "Be careful Syd. You know better than I what this guy is capable of." She nodded slowly.

        "I know… but last night, there was nothing threatening about him. He was just so…"

        "Syd… don't fall into some kind of trap here. I'm not trying to downplay your instincts, I'm just saying- be careful." She smiled at him as she finished her coffee and stood.

        "I'll be very careful, I promise. Thanks Will." She leaned over to give him a quick hug, and then headed back to her room to change. When she walked back out a short time later, Will was in the kitchen, working on breakfast.

        "Have you become a master chef?" she asked teasingly.

        "Hardly. Just figured that since I didn't have anyone around to feed me anymore, I'd better learn to do it myself." Despite the joking tone, Sydney heard the underlying pain in his voice, and it reminded her that there were still a lot of things they needed to talk about.

        "Hey," she said softly. He turned to face her, and she enveloped him in a hug. He was surprised, but returned the gesture.

        "What's this for?" he whispered.

        "Everything," she replied. "I'm so sorry for everything. I think we should talk when I get back."

        "When you get back? Where are you going?" She gave him a look, and held up her cell phone.

        "The CIA beckons."

        "What? You just got home last night, and they already want you back in?" Sydney nodded.

        "It's not like they're sending me off to Germany on some insane mission. It's just… more debriefing. And there are things they still haven't told me- about Vaughn, my father… I just don't know what's going on."

        "All right then, I guess I'll see you when I see you," Will replied, resuming his aborted attempt at breakfast. Sydney turned to leave, then thought of something and slowly faced him again.

        "Will?"

        "Hmm?"

        "Are you… still working for the CIA?" He grew still, staring down at his French toast. A moment later, he continued what he was doing, but still didn't look at her.

        "No."

        "What happened?" Will finally glanced up at her, a faint flicker of amusement playing in his eyes.

        "Syd… didn't they call you in?" Sydney rolled her eyes.

        "Screw the CIA… they can wait." He gave her a thankful smile.

        "Ok then… I quit. I hadn't even been in that long, or that deep, and yet that life had taken everything from me. Because of it, I lost Francie, I lost you, I lost my normalcy… I almost lost my life. I tried to hang in, but I just… I couldn't. I couldn't stick around there with the full knowledge of all it had cost. So I resigned, and they helped me get a job at a magazine- a _real_ magazine."

        "The CIA helped you?" Sydney repeated dubiously. He dropped his eyes back to his cooking, but looked up at her again a moment later. Sydney nodded slowly.

        "Vaughn helped you."

        "He turned in his own resignation the next day."

        "Have you kept in touch with him?" Will shook his head.

        "Nah… I see him around, every so often, but that's it." Sydney was about to reply when her cell phone went off again.

        "Ah… the joys of technology," she sighed. "I guess I'd better go in before they send a search team after me or something." Will gave her a blank look, and she smiled apologetically.

        "Sorry… guess that wasn't very funny." He shook his head.

        "No, 'fraid not."

        "Sorry," she repeated.

        "See you when you get home, all right?"

        "Yeah… home." Sydney walked out to her car, which Will had also taken good care of in her absence, and was about to unlock the door when something caught her attention. There, on the drivers seat, sat a white envelope, her name on the front. Baffled, Sydney inspected the car. All doors were locked, all windows rolled up, and yet there it was. She looked around quickly, not sure what she was expecting to find, then unlocked the car and picked up the envelope. Sitting down, she tore it open and pulled out a single piece of paper. It was a poem, which she read over carefully.

_Take this kiss upon the brow   
And, in parting from you now,   
This much let me avow--   
You are not wrong, who deem   
That my days have been a dream;   
Yet if hope has flown away   
In a night, or in a day,   
In a vision, or in none,   
Is it therefore the less gone ?   
All that we see or seem   
Is but a dream within a dream.   
  
I stand amid the roar   
Of a surf-tormented shore,   
And I hold within my hand   
Grains of the golden sand--   
How few! yet how they creep   
Through my fingers to the deep,   
While I weep--while I weep!   
O God! can I not grasp   
Them with a tighter clasp?   
O God! can I not save   
One from the pitiless wave?   
Is all that we see or seem   
But a dream within a dream?   
  
~Edgar Allen Poe~_

        She recognized the handwriting; it was familiar, but she couldn't quite place it. She flipped the paper over, and found two sentences on the back, and proceeded to read them aloud.

        "The canicular heat of Italy… the cool rains of Switzerland. You'll know."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_[I]Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear  
Sealed with lies through so many tears  
Lost from within, pursuing the end  
I fight for the chance to be lied to again_

_                ~[b]**Evanescence**[/b], Lies[/I]_

"And you don't know where you were? Or with whom?"       
        "No, I do not."

        "Not even an idea?" Dr. Barnett prodded. Sydney sighed and looked up at her. Before she could reply, Weiss cut in.

        "Look, the CIA kept Sydney locked up here for two weeks. They ran all kinds of tests, asked her every question you're asking, and decided that she was telling the truth, and it was ok to let her go. Why are you repeating all of it now?"

        "Agent Weiss, I can understand and appreciate your protectiveness in this matter. However, we had hoped that her being home, with Mr. Tippin, might somehow help spur some kind of memory."   

        "Well in that case, don't you think it'd be a bit more conducive to your goals to actually allow her some time at home before interrogating her again? She's hardly had time to make her bed, much less recover any memories." Dr. Barnett didn't reply, nor did she look up, instead writing something down in her notes. Then she glanced at Sydney again.

        "Is there anything I should know about?" Sydney's mind flashed to Sark; that kiss, the poem, his note. She glanced up and met Dr. Barnett's eyes.

        "No. Nothing."

        "Ok then. Taking Agent Weiss' words under advisement, I'm scheduling your next appointment two weeks from today. Is that ok with you?" Sydney nodded briskly.

        "Good. Thank you for coming in, Sydney, and I sincerely hope things get better for you." Sydney gave her a genuine smile.        "Thank you." Weiss gently took her arm and led her out. She smiled up at him.

        "You know Eric, you don't have to hold my hand all day." He gave her an odd look.

        "Syd, I'm not… I'm holding your elbow." She smacked his arm.

        "You know what I meant." He grinned and released her arm.

        "What do you have to do now?" he questioned.

        "Nothing… I'm not needed here right now. No one's telling me anything about my father, and there are no more questions that I have the answer to."

        "Heading home?" Sydney nodded slowly.

        "Yeah… it's too hard to be here right now."

        "Call me if you need anything." Sydney smiled.

        "Of course. Thank you, Weiss." He nodded and walked away as Sydney pulled a hasty retreat. As she headed out, she kept her eyes out for Marshall, whom she'd yet to see since her return, and Dixon, who'd spoken to her only briefly. She spotted neither of them, and headed to the parking garage. Sydney approached her car apprehensively, half expecting Sark to have been brazen enough to enter the CIA parking garage and leave her another note.

        She sighed as she found nothing, though she couldn't truly say if it had been a sigh of relief, or disappointment.

        When she got home, she found Will busily scrawling something on a pad of paper. His pencil stopped moving as he caught sight of her. His glance swung to the clock in the kitchen before he looked her way again.

        "Geez Syd, it's past 6… what the hell did they do, interrogate you?"

        "May as well have…" she muttered. Will grimaced.

        "Sorry… hit a nerve?" She shrugged off his concern.

        "Will, right now, I don't think there's anything that _won't_ hit a nerve." He glanced down at his hands, before facing her again, a apologetic look on his face.

        "Well… this is definitely going to touch upon a sore spot…" she looked at him curiously.

        "What is?"

        "Uh… Vaughn called." Sydney blinked.

        "What?"

        "He wants to talk to you… in person." Will stood quickly as he noticed Sydney going pale.

        "I don't think I can handle that right now…" she mumbled, rubbing her head with her left hand.

        "I told him I didn't think it was a good idea right now." She gave him a grateful look.

        "Thanks Will."

        "Don't mention it," he replied, sitting down to resume his writing.

        "What're you working on?"

        "Article on Germany," he answered briefly.

        "Oh… have you been there?"

        "Very shortly, last year." Sydney wandered over to grab a bottle of water before making her way back to him.

        "Will… is everything ok?" He paused, biting on the end of his pencil, before replying.

        "It's just… it's so hard, Sydney." She pulled out a chair and sat next to him.

        "What, the article?" He laughed lightly, shaking his head.

        "No… it's 4-7 pages of talking about how wonderful Germany is. Easiest thing I've ever had to write." Sydney leaned back, looking perplexed, and Will sighed.

        "Syd… you can be so unbelievably dense sometimes." She seemed completely taken aback at his words, and he laughed again.

        "Ok… well maybe I am, but I still have no clue what you're thinking." He nodded.

        "Let's just keep it that way for now."

        "What? You're not going to tell me?"

        "I will eventually, but right now is just horrible timing… I shouldn't have brought it up."

        "I was the one who asked about it," Sydney reminded him.

        "Technicality," he mumbled.

        "Will, please… I need to know there's someone I can trust to be honest with me." He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

        "Ok… fine. But don't day I didn't warn you that the timing is crappy."

        "I'll remember that," Sydney promised. Will nodded slowly, but before he could reply, the doorbell rang. He and Sydney exchanged confused looks.

        "Are you expecting someone?" she asked. He shook his head.

        "No… I take it you aren't either?" Sydney stood and started towards the door, then faced Will again.

        "Wait… but we-"

        "Can talk later," Will cut in. "We've got time." Sydney hesitated until the doorbell sounded again. With an abrupt sigh, she hurried over and opened it, gaping in a mix of shock and anger when she saw the visitor.

        "What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded. Will, overhearing her strained voice, appeared behind her a moment later, frowning as he caught sight of him.

        "Look, I think we need to talk," Vaughn stated. Sydney glared at him unflinchingly.

        "I agree… but not now, not here."

        "I think this is the perfect setting."

        "Your opinion doesn't mean a damn thing to me anymore, Vaughn." Will saw the pain register in Vaughn's eyes, but he quickly shook it off.

        "Syd, I know-" she cut him off angrily.

        "Do not call me Syd… you don't have that right anymore." Vaughn's jaw clenched.

        "Fine. Agent Bristow, I've heard-" she interrupted again.

        "Ok, now you're just mocking me." He gave no reply, and she shook her head in frustration. "Way to earn points there Vaughn."

        "You know what, I'm not leaving until we've talked." Vaughn crossed his arms and stared at her, waiting for a response. She nodded slowly.

        "If that's how it's gonna be…" she turned and stormed to her room. Will, after shooting Vaughn a glare, chased after her. He found her pulling on a pair of shoes.

        "What are you doing?" he asked.

        "I guess we'll have to talk even later," she mumbled, avoiding his question. She finished tying her shoes and started for the door. Will caught her arm and pulled her back.

        "What are you doing?"

        "There's something I need to tell you before you go out there."

        "We'll talk later… I promise."

        "No… no, it's something different." Recognizing the repentant look on his face, Sydney took a step back.

        "What's going on?"

        "Um… he sorta knows."

        "Knows what?"

        "Well, about…" he trailed off, eyes trained firmly on his feet. Sydney groaned.

        "You told him about Sark?"

        "I didn't mean to Syd, it just… I don't know, slipped out."

        "Will, I trusted you!"

        "I know, I'm sorry… I was worried. Look, all he knows is that Sark showed up here… he doesn't even know you talked to him, or… anything else that happened."

        "Why'd you tell me? That he knew, I mean."

        "I didn't want you to go out there and face him without knowing that ahead of time." She rubbed her forehead, and looked at him a few moments later.

        "Thank you. But we are still going to talk later." A small smile played over his lips.

        "Ok." He walked her back to where Vaughn still stood, waiting. Feeling it wasn't his place to be involved, Will gave Sydney's shoulder an encouraging squeeze before turning to continue work on his article. Sydney grabbed hold of his hand as he tried to slip away, keeping him firmly anchored next to her. Understanding that she needed his support, he stayed

        "Vaughn, I'll ask again… please, let it wait for another time."

        "Sydney, I told you… I'm not leaving until we talk. This is too important to simply brush aside." A potent mix of pain and anger covered Sydney's face at this remark.

        "We are talking about two years of my life that I have lost, Vaughn! I am not simply… brushing it aside. How dare you even imply that?" He had the decency to look suitably apologetic, but Sydney wouldn't allow him to speak again. "And if you refuse to leave- which, really, Will should call the cops on you for. There must be a million laws to protect people against things like this- but if you're not leaving… then I am." Will looked bewildered as she suddenly shoved past Vaughn and took off down the street. After a moment of confusion, Vaughn turned to follow her, but was stopped by Will.

        "Do not go after her," he warned before shutting the door. Dejected, Vaughn returned to his car, staring down the street in the direction Sydney had taken. Knowing full well that giving chase would now be pointless, he angrily slammed his palms against the steering wheel before starting the car and heading in the opposite direction.

        For her part, Sydney covered only three blocks before slowing to a walk in a small park she had frequented in the past. She headed for the bench closest to her, but began to steer away as she realized that someone else already occupied it. Another thought occurred to her, and she again redirected herself towards the bench. Mere seconds later, she was sitting next to Sark. He looked at her calmly, and the strength radiating from his blue eyes was enough to soothe her frayed nerves. She frowned and leaned back.

        "Enough of this cryptic crap. I want answers, and I want them _now_."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_Catch me as I fall  
Say you're here and it's all over now  
Speaking to the atmosphere  
No one's here and I fall into myself  
This truth drives me into madness  
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away_

_                ~**Evanescence**, Whisper_

Sark stared at Sydney for a long moment, before refocusing his gaze on the sky above them.

        "Fascinating, aren't they? The stars, that is. Anyone can see them, plain as day… yet how many people truly know them?"

        "I said enough cryptic talk. I don't care what kind of metaphor that's supposed to be… all I care about is knowing what happened to me, why I have two years of my life missing."

        "That doesn't explain why you're sitting next to me."

        "Because you know, damn it!" she stood up and began pacing, Sark watching in slight amusement. She stopped momentarily and stared at him intently.

        "You do know… don't you?" Seeing the pain and uncertainty sheltered in her eyes, Sark sighed and gave in as she resumed her pacing.

        "I know… some of it. I don't know the full two years, just a portion of it." Sydney's mind abruptly flashed back to the dream she'd had. _You'll know… seven months_, he'd said. She'd originally been afraid that meant it would take seven months for her to find the truth. Now, in light of what Sark had just said, it all made sense. She whirled to face him again.

        "Seven months." He looked mildly surprised, nodding slowly.

        "Yes… you remember?" 

        "No… but I had a dream the other night… and you said seven months." Sark raised an eyebrow.

        "You've been dreaming about me?" she shot him a glare.

        "Don't get any ideas." He merely smirked in response.

        "Yes, I know of your whereabouts for the seven months prior to your… appearance in Hong Kong."

        "Why won't you tell me?" she asked softly.

        "Because this is something you need to realize on your own. Besides which, I highly doubt you'd believe the things I could tell you."

        "And yet this little game of yours allows for you to leave mysterious notes in my car?" Sark smiled lightly.

        "The proverbial rules of this game say nothing about giving you minor hints." Sydney threw her hands up in frustration.

        "Damn it Adam, this isn't fair! Everything about-" she abruptly cut herself off mid-tirade, and stood there motionless for a moment, before slowly facing him. She discovered a look of utter shock on his face that soon melted into a full-fledged smile. She blinked in surprise.

        "Did I just… is that really your…" he nodded, the smile still firmly in place. "Adam… Adam Sark."

        "The one and only," he said lightly. She slowly sat back down next to him, a bit closer this time.

        "Those seven months… we were together." He hesitated in replying, not sure if it really needed a response.

        "Yes."

        "Doing what?" There was another silence, only this time, he wasn't the one to break it. "You don't want to tell me," Sydney deduced.

        "I still feel it's in your own best interests to remember it for yourself. Not only will it become a true part of your memory, which wouldn't necessarily be so if you were to simply hear it from me, but there's also the fact that I'm not yet sure you'd believe me."

        "Look, Sar- Adam, with everything that's happened in the short time I've been home, I'm inclined to believe whatever you may have to tell me."

        "Which I find even more troublesome. In that case, I could make up anything, and you might believe it." Sydney rubbed her jaw thoughtfully, but made no reply. "Do you understand my reasoning?" Sark asked.

        "Yes, I do… but I don't think you can possibly realize how much this is tearing me up. It seems like I'm completely out of the loop on everything, including my own life… and I hate it."

        "I can understand that, to an extent. And I hope you believe me when I say I'd like nothing more than to make it all right again. But Sydney, you're the only one who can do that." There was an amiable silence until Sydney spoke again.

        "I have all these… images in my mind, just small flashes of memory, not enough to really grasp, but enough to… to know it feels right."

        "What feels right?"

        "This." She gently took his face in her hands and lowered her lips to his. He was initially shocked, but deepened the kiss moments later. Before it could progress any further, a startled voice interrupted them.

        "What the hell is going on here?" Sydney and Sark instantly broke apart and jumped to their feet to find Vaughn staring at them.

        "What concern is it of yours?" Sydney demanded.

        "Oh, you mean aside from the fact that you're sitting here kissing an internationally wanted terrorist who escaped from CIA custody nine months ago?"

        "Whoever I decide to kiss is not your business anymore, Vaughn, and neither is his status on the CIA watch list. You're no longer Agent Vaughn, and I'm no longer your girlfriend." Her words seemed to be a shot to the heart, and Vaughn barely managed to stumble over a reply.

        "Look, Syd, you don't understand-"

        "Understand what, Vaughn? The fact that you got married? You're wrong… I do understand. I may despise it- as well as you, at the moment- but I understand it. The difference is, you've had two years to adjust to the things that have changed, and I've had two weeks."

        "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

        "I know," she replied. "Something I have to know… just one thing. Did you ever… were you in love with me?" A mix of confusion and pain covered Vaughn's face with that question.

        "Syd, yes… of course. You know that. I sti-"

        "No! Whatever you're going to say… don't. Please, just don't. Vaughn, you have a wife now, and I refuse to allow myself to be put in the middle at all. I meant what I said earlier- I can't handle seeing you right now."

        "I know. I started to go home, but I just couldn't leave things like that. So I turned around and came after you. Are you sure it's safe for me to leave you with him?" he questioned, his eyes drifting to where Sark stood, watching the interchange. Sydney answered without hesitation.

        "Yes." With nothing more than a nod, Vaughn walked away. Sydney collapsed onto the bench, rubbing her forehead tiredly.

        "Are you all right?" Sark questioned, making himself as comfortable as possible on the cool wooden seat.

        "Yeah… I just don't understand."

        "Understand what?"

        "How it can be possible to feel this way about two different men." Sark said nothing, silently urging her to continue. "I loved Vaughn… but that was two years ago. Everything's changed. Those feelings won't just disappear, but at the same time, I can feel that you and I- whatever we had- is right. I may not remember it, but I know it's real."

        "Yet again, Sydney, the only one who can sort these things out is you; no one else has the answer. And until you can understand and make sense of all that you currently know, I will not add anymore for you to figure out. Just remember one thing Sydney: this above all, to thine own self be true." She gave him a weakened smile, and a moment later, he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Don't say I'm out of touch  
With this rampant chaos - your reality  
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge   
The nightmare I built my own world to escape_

                _~**Evanescence**, Imaginary_

Will was waiting anxiously when she got home, appearing by her side as soon as he heard the door open.

        "Are you ok Syd? You were gone for almost two hours." Sydney looked startled, turning to find a clock.

        "I'm sorry Will, I didn't realize how long it had been." As she spoke, she made her way over to the couch and dropped into it.

        "Well, that was either a really, really good run… or I'm missing something." Will gave her a pointed look as he sat down next to her.

        "I saw Sark… and Vaughn."

        "Vaughn? I told him not to go after you."

        "Guess he didn't quite listen."

        "Do you want to talk about it?" Will asked haltingly. 

        "Will, you are wonderful... but I don't want to be such a burden. And besides," she continued, cutting off his protest, "I know it must be hard to just listen to all of this," she concluded, subtly steering the conversation back to what it had been earlier that evening. She could see it in his eyes; he knew exactly what she was getting at.

        "Yes, it is hard, I'm not going to deny it. Syd, I love you, and you know that. But I just want you to be happy. I'm not the one who can make that happen… and I'm ok with that. I've come to accept it. After two years without you, I'm just happy to have my best friend back."

        "Thank you," Sydney said quietly.

        "You're welcome… now it's your turn. Talk," he ordered light-heartedly. She smiled briefly, and explained to him all that had taken place since she ran out earlier.

        "Ok… and what, you can't decide between Sark and Vaughn?" she shook her head emphatically.

        "That's not it, at all… Vaughn's married Will, I won't come between that."

        "So what's the dilemma?" Sydney stared at him thoughtfully, but before she could formulate a response, the doorbell rang. She and Will exchanged cautious looks.

        "I'll get this one," Will said. Sydney listened carefully as he went to the door.

        "Eric?"

        "Hey Will… Syd's here, right?"

        "Yeah, why?"

        "Can I see her?"

        "Uh…" Before Will could turn him away, Sydney put in an appearance.

        "Eric, what are you doing here? It's almost midnight… don't tell me you're just getting out of work." He shrugged.

        "You know how it is… no rest for the weary. Or something."

        "Want to come in?" Sydney asked.

        "Oh, no… I know it's late, I just wanted to stop by to see how you're doing."

        "You came all the way out here at this time just for that?"

        "Yeah… why? That a problem?"

        "No, not at all… it was very sweet of you. Thanks." Weiss gave her a smile.

        "You don't have to thank me. It's what friends are for, right?"

        "Well, as your friend, I'm ordering you to go home and get some sleep." Weiss pretended to be hurt.

        "Syd, friendship isn't about ordering people around." She gave him a gentle shove, and he laughed as he walked back out to his car. With a quick wave, he was gone.

        "He's a great guy," Will observed.

        "Yeah he is. Did you two keep in touch at all?"

        "A little bit, yeah. We'd call each other up every so often, that was about it."

        "I think I'm going to make some tea…want some?" Will shook his head.

        "Nah… I'm headed to bed now." Sydney gave him a look.

        "Please tell me you didn't just stay up because of me…" Will shrugged lightly.

        "I was worried."

        "You didn't need to be… but thank you." 

        "Night Syd." They went their separate ways then, with Will retreating to his bedroom as Sydney wandered into the kitchen. She leaned back and closed her eyes as she sipped the smooth French Vanilla liquid. Suddenly, a memory was sparked.

        [I]_She was sitting at a large desk, sipping a cup of tea. Sark sat across from her, simply watching her grade papers._

_        "Ready to leave, Adam?"_

_        "Whenever you are, love." She smiled at him as he took her hand and led her out._[/I]

        Sydney sat there rigidly, staring into her tea as though it could peer into the future… or perhaps the past. She quickly stood and walked outside, and was somehow less than surprised when Sark approached her moments later. She stared at him, not saying a word, waiting for him to speak first.

        "What is it?" he finally questioned.

        "I was a teacher?" She raised an eyebrow, and saw hints of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

        "A substitute, actually, at a school near Bern."

        "So we were in Switzerland?"

        "In the month before you disappeared, yes."

        "And the months before that?" Sark gave her a look.

        "You know I won't tell you."  

        "Damn it, Adam, why not? This is my life we're talking about; don't you think I deserve to know?"

        "Of course I do, Sydney, and you should know I'd like nothing more than to fill in all the blanks. But it's too much to take in all at once. It would cause you too much grief to try fitting it all together right now. That's why I keep saying you need to remember on your own." Sydney stared at him before looking up to the stars.

        "Between grief, and nothing… I'll take grief."

        "I know you would, and I understand…"

        "Evidently you don't, Adam. If you truly did, you would tell me what I need to know."   

        "I will not tell you everything," he began, holding up a hand to silence her, "but I will tell you where we were." Sydney nodded slowly.

        "Ok. It's a start, at least."

        "Keep in mind, I don't know your whereabouts for the year and a half before what I'm about to tell you. The first two months, we were in Germany- mostly Munich, with a few excursions out to Frankfurt, Heidelberg, and Berlin. The next four months were split between England and Ireland, and then into Switzerland for the last month."

        "Thank you, Adam."

        "You're welcome. I know it's not much to go on, but it's a start."

        "It is. You said you don't know anything about the year and a half or so before that?"

        "Correct."

        "But you know of someone who might." He looked slightly startled, but nodded.

        "Yes."        

        "Who might that be?" He gave her a look, and she sighed lightly.

        "Irina Derevko."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home  
I will stay forever here with you, my love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on_

_          ~**Evanescence**, Even in Death___

"Ok… so my mother knows. Does that mean I was with her before you?" Sydney questioned, smiling apologetically as Sark gave her another one of his looks.

        "First of all, I didn't say she knew; I said she _might_ know. Very different things. And secondly, you ought to know by now that even if I were certain of where you were for that first year and a half, I wouldn't tell you."

        "I know… I'm sorry. But you think it would be worthwhile to try to track her down?"      

        "I'm sure it would be more than worth it. Even if she knows no more than I do, she may be able to help you in ways that I can't, having been in a cell for so much of that time. Additionally, your mother is an amazing woman; she may know of some method to perhaps help you regain some of those lost memories."

        "I hadn't considered that," Sydney said thoughtfully.

        "I don't know for sure that it's possible, it was simply a thought."

        "But one well worth looking into," Sydney added.

        "Yes… tomorrow." She shot him an incensed glare, and he raised an eyebrow.

        "May I remind you that it's after one in the morning? You'll be needing your rest if you're to undertake such an ambitious venture as this."

        "Do you always have to be right?" Sydney demanded. Sark thought about that for a moment.

        "Yes."

        "Oh joy." She turned and was about to head into the house when something occurred to her. "Adam… what if it never happens?"

        "What never happens?"

        "You know exactly what I mean. What if I never get my memory back?"

        "We'll handle that if the need arises."

        "We?" Sydney repeated softly. Sark stared at her, his gentle eyes seeming to read deep into her soul, before he nodded slowly.

        "Yes, we. Sydney, I will not leave you to face this alone, I promise you that. As long as you need me, I will be here for you. Understand?" She nodded, simultaneously smiling and trying to blink back tears. He watched her struggle for a moment before stepping forward and offering shelter in the comfort of his arms. She gratefully sank into him, allowing herself to be soothed by his soft voice and strong hands.

        "Thank you," she whispered.

        "No need," he said softly.

        "I mean… for everything. For understanding what it is I need, as compared to what I want… for knowing the right words and actions… for having all the answers, and even for not letting me have them. It's just… nice to know there's someone on my side."

        "I can certainly understand that sentiment," Sark replied quietly. Sydney slowly pulled away, just enough to look at him.

        "I don't know much about you." She paused, then quickly amended her statement. "Or do I?"

        "No… no, you really don't."

        "We'll have to change that someday," Sydney decided.

        "And we will, just as soon as everything that's going on now has been resolved." He then took a step back, leaving only his hands on her shoulders. "But before any of that, you need to go get some sleep." She smiled tiredly.

        "Ok. I'll… well, I'm sure I'll see you soon." 

        "Naturally." He watched as she disappeared into the house, sighing to himself as the door shut quietly. "Goodnight, love," he whispered, returning to the car he'd parked down the street.

        "Will, I hate to cut this so short…"

        "Aw, Syd, don't tell me you're giving up on me here! We haven't even been going that long… and it's just past noon!"

        "I know, but I have to get going. I've got work to do," she said apologetically as their jog slowed to a walk.

        "Work? Like, CIA stuff?"

        "No. I'm done with them, at least for now… maybe forever."

        "So what are you doing?"

        "Important stuff. I'm looking for answers in places they may not exist… but I have to try." Will stared at her blankly.

        "Ok… not only was that creepy and cryptic, but it was incredibly evasive as well." Sydney laughed.

        "Sorry Will… but there are some questions that just don't have answers."

        "More enigmatic talk… are you picking that skill up from Sark?" She looked at him, startled, and he laughed. "Well that was a 'deer caught in the headlights' look if I ever saw one…"

        "Yeah, well, think whatever you want, Tippin. I'll probably be home pretty late tonight; don't wait up, or I'll kick your ass." He grinned.

        "Has anyone ever told you how sweet you are?" She smacked his arm and pushed him to continue jogging.

        "Only all the time." With a quick smile, she rerouted herself towards home as he kept on the path going away.

        Sydney raced home and took a quick shower before walking out to her car, wondering where to go. She had no idea where to begin in a search for her mother, but also knew she wasn't going it alone. Finally, she tucked the keys into her purse and began walking towards the park. A gut instinct told her that was where she could find the help she needed.

        Sure enough, as she approached the area a short time later, she immediately spotted Sark sitting on the same bench he'd occupied that night.

        "I'd wondered when you would show up," he noted nonchalantly. 

        "You know that sounds vaguely stalkerish, right?" he shrugged.

        "I've been called worse."

        "I can only imagine…"

        "It's not safe for us to be seen together… rather, it's not safe for me to be seen at all."

        "Then we'll keep it short. I just… I can't even figure out what to do first." 

        "I think you know exactly what to do, Sydney, you're just looking for confirmation."

        "Do I really?"

        "Yes. Just follow your instincts… trust in love." Before she could reply, he stood up, looking nervous. "It isn't safe for me to be here." He melted into the crowd of people, and she lost track of him moments later. She remained on the bench, considering his words.

        _Trust in love… but whose love? My mothers, his… mine?_ Suddenly, it hit her; she knew exactly where to go.

        "Thank you Adam," she whispered. Half an hour later, she had retrieved her car and was on her way to an area where small carnivals and fairs were once rampant. It was now abandoned, though some hints of days past still remained. It was there, amongst frail fences and memories, that Sydney caught sight of Irina Derevko.

        "Mom?" she said hesitantly.

        "Sydney," Irina breathed softly. A full smile broke across her face, and moments later, Sydney found herself wrapped up in her mothers arms.

        "I'll take that as my cue to leave," another voice said. Sydney looked over her mothers shoulder and sighted Sark.

        "Adam?" she questioned.

        "I told you, Sydney, I will be there for you as long as you need me. It just so happens that, at the moment, you don't need me. I'll find you later," he said. Sydney smiled at him.

        "Thank you… I find myself saying that a lot lately," she noted. With an amused smirk, he turned and walked away. Sydney looked to her mother.

        "You won't give me direct answers either, will you?" she predicted.

        "No. Sydney, Sark is right, you must find the truth yourself. It will do you no good to hear it from other people… especially two other people whom you've no real reason to trust."

        "I expected as much, and… I appreciate it. But there's just one thing I have to know." Irina nodded for her to continue. "Mom, do you know where Dad is?"

        "All I know is that he also refused to believe you were dead. I don't know where he is, but he's out there somewhere, and he's alive and well." Sydney sighed in relief.

        "Thank you… I needed to know that."

"I know you did, sweetheart."

"Is there a way to get my memories back?" Sydney questioned tremulously. 

"Yes, I'm sure there are ways… but I'm not well acquainted with any of them," Irina replied quietly. Sydney tried to hide her disappointment, but knew she had to have failed miserably.

"Sydney, I may not know of any now, but that doesn't mean we won't find them."

"How do you do that?" Sydney asked in wonder.

"Do what?" a baffled Irina replied.

"Say something so simple, and manage to make everything seem ok again."

"Must be a mother thing," Irina said lightly. 

"Yeah, must be." Irina glanced away briefly, then met her daughters eyes again.

"I've heard about your Vaughn," she remarked softly.

"He's not mine anymore," Sydney corrected, expecting to feel the usual shot to her heart. She felt nothing.

"And Adam?" 

"I'm not sure… I know we were together, and he means something- a lot- to me."

"But?" Irina pressed.

"But right now, I don't know enough about him, about us… about myself to make any rational judgments. I just know I trust him, like I can tell him anything, and I don't want to lose that. Ever."

"You needn't worry about that, darling… trust me." Sydney looked around nervously, then turned back to her mother.

"It's probably not safe for you to be here either, is it?"

"No, it isn't. I'm still occupying an elevated spot on the CIA's list."

"Mom, if they catch you again…"

"I know, Sydney. I'm well aware of what would happen. But it was worth the risk. However, I should be going. I'll see what I can find, and contact you once I know something."

"Thank you, Mom."

"I love you, sweetheart. Take care." They tearfully went their separate ways.

Sark, meanwhile, had made his way back to Sydney and Will's house. He was aware that Sydney wouldn't be home yet, but something drew him there anyway. He lingered in the doorway for a while, trying to decide what to do. Finally, he chose to simply open the door and walk in. He heard the shower shutting of as he did so, and fervently hoped Will wouldn't walk out naked. The door opened a moment later, and he saw Will with a towel wrapped around his waist. He shook out his wet hair as he stepped into the hallway.

"Syd, it's just getting to be five. You said you'd be home la-" he cut himself off as he noticed Sark.

"How's your mouth?" Sark questioned casually. Will glared at him.

"It's been what, three years? My teeth are all intact once again, thank you very little."

"Good to hear."

"I'm sure it is. What are you doing here?"

"Sydney lives here."

"Does she really? I hadn't noticed," Will said venomously.

"Quite the temper you have, Mr. Tippin, though I'm happy to know you're observant enough to have realized that Miss Bristow is living here once again."

"Ok, are you here for a reason?"

"Of course I am. There's a plan for everything." Will rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I think I see what your plan is in this case."

"Care to enlighten me?" Sark queried.

"You're here to drive me insane!"

"No… that's simply an added perk."

"Can I take it you're waiting for Sydney to get back?"

"Well, it's certainly not your vibrant personality that draws me in." 

"I give up!" Will growled, storming down the hall and slamming his door shut. Sark smirked and made himself comfortable on the couch. A short time later, Will emerged from his room, drying his hair with a towel. He flippantly ignored Sark as he made his way into the kitchen. He came back out a moment later, settling down at the table with a plate of food. Sark frowned, and searched for the TV remote. Will glanced over his shoulder as Sark turned the TV on.

"What are you doing?" Sark looked at him mildly.

"Well, Mr. Tipping, you're not actually that fascinating; I was growing bored. Not that anything on TV will be much better…" Will shook his head and turned back to his dinner.

"Whatever." 

When 6:00 rolled around and Sydney still hadn't appeared, Sark shut off the TV and stood up with a sigh.

"Bored?" Will questioned, carrying his plate into the kitchen.

"Quite," Sark replied.

"Well, you could always leave."

"No, that's quite all right."

"Worth a try," Will mumbled as he went around his unwanted guest. He stopped dead in his tracks as Sark made his way into the kitchen.

"Now what?" he demanded.

"I'm hoping you have some good food here; I'm famished." Will's jaw dropped, but he refrained from saying anymore, reminding himself that this man was apparently good for Sydney. He almost jumped for joy as the phone rang, providing him a welcome distraction from Sark. For his part, the blonde merely watched Will run for the phone, and kept a silent eye on him as he answered. He frowned as he noticed the other man drop the phone, before he himself slid to the floor. Vaguely worried, Sark rushed to his side. 

Will sat there, holding his head, refusing to speak. Annoyed, Sark grabbed the phone and held it to his ear.

"Repeat that," he demanded.

"I'm sorry?" a masculine voice asked.

"You heard me. Repeat that." There was a moment of hesitation before the voice came across again.

"Ok… I'm sorry to have to tell you, Mr. Tippin. Sydney Bristow is dead."


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue 

Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.  
Shards of me,  
Too sharp to put back together.  
Too small to matter,  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
If I try to touch her…

                ~**Evanescence**, Breathe No More

        The afternoon air was crisp, clean, and cold. He took note of this as one might notice a fallen leaf- merely in passing, not enough to warrant his attention. His eyes remained focused on one thing, and one thing only. It wasn't far off; contrary, it was quite close, and yet he couldn't quite bring himself to move towards it. He had stood there, rooted to the spot, for a fair chunk of time yesterday, as well as the day before. This was something that had to be handled, and he knew it. But still, he leaned calmly against his car, looking into the distance. To any casual observer, it would appear as though he was simply waiting for someone else to finish saying their last good-byes. Yet in truth, he simply couldn't face the fact that it would be his last good-bye to her.

        He rested against the car door, arms crossed in front of him, waiting for the path to clear. A young woman, an even younger child, both crying. He watched them pass him by, keeping his eyes locked on them as the mother dried her tears and led her child away. He frowned, feeling something akin to empathy. With a sigh, he tentatively stepped away from the vehicle, and began making his way to the cool gray marker. He looked around furtively, as if afraid of being spotted, but did not deter from the path. Eventually, Sark found himself staring at the grave, sorrow filling his soul. He stood there silently for a long moment, searching for the words to tell her what he never could before.

        "Sydney," he began softly. "There is so much I wish I could have said… so many things about our time together that I wouldn't tell you. In truth, I don't regret that decision. I still truly believe that had I told you, you quite likely would not have believed it. I also believe that there's a good chance that you may never have recovered those memories… but that wouldn't have mattered, as we could have created so many new ones. Just you and I… not Agent Bristow and Mr. Sark; Sydney and Adam. You and your mother, you're the only two people aliv… the only people who know my name. And you, Sydney- you were the only one who truly knew me. That connection, it was still there, even if you didn't remember how it had come about. I could feel it, and see it in your eyes… you knew. I also know you still cared for Agent Vaughn, but I'm confident that one day, he would have been nothing but a distant memory. You and he were the past; you and I were the future. 

But that future… it's gone now, Sydney. Only I remain… but I shall never forget you, and I doubt that I should ever be able to move on. Does that make me seem a touch pathetic? I'm afraid it does… but I don't particularly care. You and I, we were destined not only to work together, Sydney, but to [I]_be_[/I] together. You would have known that to; perhaps you already did. I-" he paused abruptly as he heard footsteps drawing near. Not wishing to have anyone overhear his deepest emotions, he hurried on with the rest of his words. "I love you, Sydney, I truly do… I only wish you could have known, in life, just how much." He stopped as he felt another presence come up behind him, but didn't turn to face the intruder. 

Vaughn stood silently next to him a moment later. Eventually, the other man spoke.

"We'll never know where her heart truly belonged," he said softly, sadly. Sark looked at him for the first time, glaring, and then turned to walk away. He paused only briefly, glancing back over his shoulder as he did so.

"You know the truth, deep down, just as I do. But it doesn't matter anymore; we've both lost her now." He glanced to Vaughn's face just long enough to see him blinking back tears before turning and leaving for good. He paused at the gate of the cemetery, sparing one last look.

"I'll not be back here again, Sydney… but I know you'll always be with me." Drawing one last, shaky breath, he turned away for the last time, calmly making his way back to his car. As he got in, he noticed a piece of paper sitting on the passenger seat. Frowning, he reached over and grabbed it with an unsteady hand. He drew in a sharp breath as he opened it to find two words scrawled across it in dark, heavy ink.

_[I]You'll know.[/I]_

He instantly pulled himself out of his car and looked around wildly. His gaze settled as it came to where Vaughn was still standing, apparently speaking to Sydney. He smiled to himself, slowly sitting back down and pulling the door shut. He took one more look at the paper before gently putting it in his glove compartment.

"Sydney…" he whispered quietly as he drove away.

This was far from over.

**This fic, however, is quite over. Yup, that's really it... however {if it isn't totally obvious from that ending} I'm giving serious consideration to a sequel. Now, this may be a stupid question, but I've gotta ask anyway... is there interest in a possible sequel? If so, it could be up and running fairly soon. And if not... ambiguous endings are fine by me.   
  
Let me know either way in a review- I'll let you all know my decision when I take care of feedback replies later- and thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It was much appreciated. This marks my first multi-part Sarkney, and I really had fun with it. Thanks again!**


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